When two people speak different love languages, misunderstandings are common. One partner may feel unappreciated while the other thinks they’re doing everything right. As a couples counselor, I’ve seen how mismatched love languages—like one person needing words of affirmation while the other shows love through acts of service—can lead to frustration. But with some awareness and effort, couples can bridge that gap.
Understand, Don’t Judge
Start by identifying your own love language and your partner’s. Don't treat one as better than the other. If your partner shows love through gifts but you need physical touch, don’t dismiss their efforts. Instead, recognize it for what it is: love expressed in their language.
Talk About It Directly
Many couples assume their partner should just “know” what they need. That’s a setup for resentment. Instead, have open, honest conversations about what makes you feel loved. Be specific. Say, “When you hold my hand, I feel connected to you,” or “When you say kind things, it means a lot to me.”
Make Small Efforts in Their Language
You don’t have to change who you are. But small efforts in your partner’s language can go a long way. If they need quality time, put your phone down during dinner. If they need acts of service, help out without being asked. These actions signal love in a way they understand.
Learn How to Meet in the Middle
Different love languages don’t have to be a deal-breaker. They’re just a reminder that love isn’t one-size-fits-all. The key is curiosity over criticism and effort over ego. When both people are willing to meet in the middle, even clashing languages can start to sound like harmony.
It takes patience to learn how your partner gives and receives love—and courage to communicate your own needs without blame. But doing so builds connection and trust over time. You may never speak the same love language fluently, but with practice, you can become great translators for each other. And that’s what lasting relationships are built on.
If you are looking to improve or strengthen your relationship, I invite you to reach out today and see if couples counseling or marriage counseling can benefit your relationship.